I put on my clunky oversized snow boots and slopped through the frozen slush. Everything was canceled, and I needed to move my body. My mind needed a break, and my heart yearned for completeness, and as I trudged along, I relaxed completely into every slippery step. No hurry, no agenda, just time moving my body through the crisp white neighborhood.
I began to realize that my heart yearns to know love, to be love, and so every step I took I allowed myself to relax and expand into openness and receptivity. My heart has become my spiritual home these days, the core of my being in which I feel the closest to my own source. I came back rejuvenated but wary. How does life behave when I open myself up like this?
This past week has given me opportunities to reflect on how my heart reacts when I make mistakes.
Mistakes driving through the icy hilly streets of Portland and mistakes of a decision that lacked proper perspective.
My first instinct is to slip into shame – “I am something wrong” rather than the guilt of “I did something wrong”. When I slip this way, I lose my connection to the natural love of my heart.
I was raised in environments where admission of error was rare, apologies even more so. I lacked role models who were able to own up and move forward. I feared judgment of others. Turns out that admitting fault is not as scary as I feared, and is a direct line to self healing.
I was wondering what it would be like to have a social media where people anonymously posted what they did wrong, instead of all the perfect things in their day.
I’ll be sharing the stage today with other beautiful musicians, and I’ll be practicing a new-found compassion for each and every one of them. That feels so good.
I yearn to be love. I am love. I am love and yet I will not be flawless. I am love and I will not always make the best choices. I am love and will find completeness and wholeness not in perfection, but from opening, expanding, understanding.