I lay on the massage table, ready for change. Ever since I was a teenager, my right thumb has given me problems while holding the bow, and 2 weeks ago I finally put it together – I broke my right arm when I was 10, and have never dealt with getting the facia untangled. Sure enough, the therapist told me how my hand kept wanting to revert to a bent wrist position, exactly how it was in the cast for 2 months. When I asked her what she was discovering in my arm, she said simply “unwinding”.

I reached back into the past to the young klutzy boy who just the day before got his first full size cello. I asked him to tell me all about the pain, the cast, the discomfort and the shame. I felt a release. I can’t expect decades of tension to completely unwind in an hour, but at least it’s a start.

Unwind. What a great word.

The amazing thing about meditation is that it builds a baseline reference to observe triggers which wind me up. I’ve practiced being completely at peace, connected, and whole, so when I feel “dis-ease”, I can look inside and try to understand.

For decades I feared unwinding. I feared that at my core I would discover an undeserving imposter. But now I feel so safe in asking “Why did I choose this?” “Why did I do that?” The discoveries, too many to list here, have been so healing.

Instead of finding empty unworthiness at my core, I uncover the treasure of compassion.

Compassion to understand those who have been difficult in my life, compassion for myself for making the decisions I did.

I unwind the tension of having to be perfect to be loved. I unwind old pains and insecurities.

We are ALL sparks of joy, gleaming bright diamonds in the snow, even the ones who have caused us trauma and harm.

The unwinding that I’ve done reaches into the core of my music. At the core of my sound, my phrasing, is the desire to communicate that which I’ve found in the center of my being, the energy in front of my heart: a deep connection to something bigger than myself, whether you call it God, the Divine, the Universe, or simply Love. It is a feeling, an experience that I cannot manufacture, but that I can only open to.

That is the future I am building now. One that is built from the inside out. From the core of knowing who I am: the joy within me that can never be taken away.

I am uncovering a future that holds connection as a priority. Connection to my Self, to others, and to the mystical magic behind the music.

As the holidays come upon us, I hope that you can take time to unwind. Not to oblivion, but to the discovery of a lifetime.

Unwind into the glorious truth of who you are.

Unwind the Past, Uncover the Future

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